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hey god... are you there...?? been looking for you for so long...  need to talk to you...  think you have sometimes free now that maybe we can have a chat or two....??? dear god you need to really listen to what i'm  about to ask... well fuck me n thanks for the life you gave me and i really like to do something that makes people around me, proud of me and wish to make everybody happy... could that really happen maybe just a bit in this very life of mine...?? tell me god do this thing so called happiness really do exist...??  who to blame and who to thank to...?? talk to me... talk to me... really this time talk to me... need something to guide me right about now before i rapidly going insane.. or insane it is... whatever you think suit me god... you are the big guy... do you think i should continue with my plan on going to the foreign land that might change everything on me and maybe even my thought of your existence... what ever god hit me back whenever you can... really want to hear from you....